People Skills

"I have people skills, I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAY27NU1Jog

At the start of this year I was tasked with training our student leaders on the interpersonal side of ministry. I recently stumbled across my notebook with these notes in it, and since it was falling apart I decided to write them here on the off chance that I'll want to refer to them later.

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Intro:
One of our goals this year is to really improve as a movement in the area of interpersonal skills. What does this mean? How to relate well to others. How to make a good first impression. How to build positive relationships. How to build an attractive and engaging community. I'm super excited, but first let's pray for a couple minutes.

Ok, here's what I'm going to be covering today (as a community and as individuals):
I.   Be Attractive
II.  Be Positive
III. Be God-honoring

But first, it's important to ask why? When I first heard that we would be working on this area I struggled to understand how that was Biblical. My first thought was "Did Jesus care about being attractive? Did He appeal to the cool people of His day?" Honest, probably not. I don't think Jesus was cool or attractive in the ways we normally use those words. So why should we strive to improve in these areas?

Here's what I think. Let's consider 1 Corinthians 9:19-23:
"For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings."
Paul is willing to change the way he lives for the sake of winning people to the Gospel. Now, probably Paul isn't talking about social things like we are, but I think the principle applies. In fact, I think we apply this principle all the time. Many of us have spent time in other cultures, and we change how we act and what we wear in order to have an effective ministry. When I was in Sudan I only wore dress clothes and I didn't eat pork. When we're on campus, I think we should practice good communication skills and avoid sloppy clothes. Anybody have any questions about this? Hopefully we're all on the same page.

I. Be Attractive
How do we as a movement and as individuals do this? I'd like to briefly talk about two things we can all work on.

First, present yourself well; sell yourself. As a TA, one of the best pieces of advice I received was to dress up the first week. This communicated to the students that I was an authority, a professional, and a teacher. Now, none of these things were spoken, but the way that I presented myself, especially early on, had a huge impact in how I was viewed for the rest of the semester. We can do this by managing our appearance and also by communicating well. Let's consider the following video clip. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, Will Smith has been trying to get this job for months. He is down on his luck, and spent the previous night in jail, barely making it to the interview in time. Watch how he interacts with those interviewing him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ep-ieEG06qg

What did he do to make himself attractive?
-humor
-confidence
-"this is what I have to offer"
-smile
-eye contact
-posture

We need to enter into students' lives in a way that makes them feel comfortable. We can be confident that we have something great to offer, because we do.

Second, focus on others. I can't overstate how important this is. Work hard, strive for common interests. If needed, make yourself interested in the interests of others. Embrace curiosity and ask good questions. Not only is this fun, but people love this. People love talking about themselves, so show some interest in them.

Let's practice this for the next five minutes. Find someone close to you and ask them what they are interested in. Once you hear from them, practice asking good questions about whatever subject they like, even if you aren't particularly interested in it yourself.

Great, how was that for everyone? Actually pretty fun, right? Keep practicing that, as often as possible. People love people that ask good questions and listen well. Also, people like people that like themselves! This may seem obvious, but let me repeat that, "people like people that like themselves." Do this for me real quick, make a mental list of your 5 most-liked people. Ok, now that you have that list, how many of them don't like you? Probably none. In fact, when most people say "I really like Bob, he's great" what I really think they are saying is "Bob really likes me, he thinks I'm great."

So how do we make ourselves socially attractive? Here's the takeaway: Be confident and show interest in others. Decide to like them, and they will probably like you. Listen well, and practice not being the center of attention. Ultimately, people should leave our meetings thinking "These people would really like me if they got the chance to know me." That's an attractive community.

II. Be Positive
Here's a saying I want us all to memorize, "Be positive and the world gets better."
What do I mean by positive? Mainly two things: compliments and saying "yes."

Let's assume the best in people. Let's practice affirmation. When you notice something nice, don't be too shy to say it. Right now, let's practice this for 5 minutes. Turn back to your partner. Now, before you say anything, take 2 minutes to think about what you like best about that person, and then tell them. Those of you receiving the compliments, just smile and say thanks.

Great, I love that, just look at everyone smiling. How can you not like someone that likes you? Now, I want to be clear, I'm not suggesting that we just butter people up. But think about it, you didn't even need to be dishonest. You guys said things that you genuinely felt, there was no need to make things up. All I'm suggesting is that we choose to focus on the good things in people and take the time to communicate them.

Also, let's practice saying "yes". How many of you have seen the move Yes Man? I love this movie, it changed my life. Here's what I learned from that movie: We often need to work hard and deliberately make ourselves say yes in order to make life memorable. What does this look like?
- Stay up late
- Do crazy things just to do them
   (Examples from my life: Fall getaway shorts day and sleeping outside. Homeless week. Ragbrai, etc.)
- Get lost
- Sleep outside
- Swim!
   (Whenever there is water swim. Me? Pacific ocean in 40 degrees, lake in 35 degrees, Nile River!)

Choose to make life memorable.

III. Be God-honoring
Finally, be God-honoring in how we interact with people. What does the Bible say about our interactions with others? Here's a few verses:

Philippians 2:14
"Do all things without grumbling or questioning."
Ephesians 4:29
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."
1 Thessalonians 5:18
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Notice the absolutes. No grumbling. No corrupting talk. Give thanks in all things.

Do we live this way? Why don't we take these verses seriously? These verses are basically saying that to be negative is to be sinful. Do you believe this? Do I believe this?

We don't have time to turn there, but consider James 3:3-12. These verses talk about the power of words. Here's what I think these verses should mean to us: "What we say has the power to kill or movement or build it up."

Conclusion:
Here's what I'm trying to say:
1) Like people and they will like you back.
2) Be positive, and the world gets better.
3) Say yes.
4) Only say nice things.
5) Decide to love people, and like them.

I'd like to close with some quotes from Mother Teresa
"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world."
"Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."
"Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier."

-Michael

Evangelsim Notes

I've been doing a little reading on evangelism lately in preparation for a few weeks of focused Gospel sharing in the dorms, and I wanted a place to keep track of some articles, so why not resurrect this great blog that I post in all the time?

Great, so here we go.


The first article I read is called "Initiative Evangelism in a Culture that Longs for Community" and can be found here: http://www.centerfieldproductions.com/post/community_28/

It's a CRU website, so right off the bat it mentions this definition of successful witnessing: "Taking the initiative in the power of the Holy Spirit to share Christ, and trusting God for the results."  It's one of the best definitions of successful witnessing I've seen, and it's both freeing and challenging at the same time.  Always a good reminder.

The strategy presented is called Community 2:8 and is based off of 1 Thessalonians 2:8, which says, "We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us." I like the way this verse emphasizes relationships without sacrificing the importance of initiative evangelism. I want to be deliberate to share the Gospel in the context of relationships and be delighted to do so.

I don't think this type of relational evangelism can or should take the place of more traditional "ministry mode" evangelism, but it's an important area that I need/want to be engaging in throughout the year.

I won't repeat most of what is in the article, but the basic steps are to make a list of people you want to witness to, and then

1) Pray
2) Share your faith
3) Introduce them to friends
4) Invite them to stuff

The article provides good explanations for each step.  It's nothing new or clever, but I appreciated the reminder. Hopefully by putting it here I won't forget it immediately like I have been everything else lately.


The next thing I want to remember has more to do with initiative  evangelism.  It's a video of John Piper discussing his fears and how he thinks we should overcome them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCqQKrw-nrg

"Life is very short, and the approval of the creator of the universe is infinitely more valuable than the approval of any sophisticated person."

Do we believe in heaven? Do we believe that Christ is supremely valuable? Do I believe these things? Even when I feel the Holy Spirit urging me to start a spiritual conversation with someone I've never met?


Ok, one last article that I read but don't have time to write much about:
http://crupressgreen.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/In_Desperate_Need_Of_Courage.pdf
It's a great article by Rick James, one of my favorite writers/speakers.  It talks about how courage has been neglected in modern Christianity, but it's emphasized in the Bible and is necessary in following Christ.

Winston Churchill once said that "Without courage, all virtue is fragile: admired, sought after, professed, but held cheaply and surrendered without a fight." C.S. Lewis adds, "Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point."

"It takes courage to hear the truth, it takes courage to live out the truth, and it also takes courage to proclaim the truth (the gospel)."

Paul says he "dared to tell them the Gospel" in 1 Thes. 2:2.

"I think when we encounter fear, an inability to communicate, or ignorance of what to say, we assume that there's something wrong with us, and that evangelism couldn't possibly be as difficult, as awkward, and as terrifying for others as we experience it to be. Actually, I think this is the norm. I think it's always been the norm. I don't think that people have ever just shared the Gospel--I think they've always "dared" to share the Gospel."

So much good stuff, go read the article. I need to be courageous, no excuses.

-Michael

Credit Card Application Denied

It may be difficult to tell what the above picture is, but what you're looking at is the rejection letter I just received from Chase.  Apparently the fact that I have zero credit history prevented me from getting a credit card:)

Oh well, I think I'll have to start with a student credit card to build up some credit, which is fine by me.  I had anticipated this being one of my easier goals to meet, so I can't stop now!

Hopefully my next post on this matter will be a picture of my new student credit card!

Book #3 Completed! (The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time)

After experiencing life through the eyes of a teenager with mental instability in the last book I read, it's only natural that I moved on to reading a narrative from the life of an autistic boy.  While this book is much shorter, it has much in common with my last book.  Neither attempts to tell an epic tale of heroic acts, but rather both illustrate the unique way in which certain types of individuals interact with the world.  Both walk the reader through a series of events that while unusual, are most likely not unrealistic.

In some ways this book reminded me of Stranger Than Fiction, one of my favorite movies.  I found it fascinating to climb inside the brain of someone who experiences life in such a unique way.  Both were bittersweet and had moments of humor mixed with grief. This book ultimately ended in a way that was satisfying; not happily ever after, but also not with sadness.

This isn't the best book I've ever read, but it's definitely a good one.  It turned out to be a quick read once I got into it.  While I found myself at the end still expecting more to happen, I realize looking back that nothing more had to.  It was simply the story of a few weeks in the life of an autistic boy who struggled to deal with the drama of a broken family and the events of a world outside of his control.

Book #2 Completed! (It's Kind of a Funny Story)

I don't really have time to write a long book review like I did for the last one, but I did really enjoy this book.  It follows the life of teenager Craig Bilner as he slips deeper into depression, stops eating, and eventually considers killing himself.  Rather than actually doing it, he calls a suicide hotline and finds himself in a mental hospital.  There he interacts with many interesting characters and learns a great deal about himself and life.

I really appreciated the unique outlook on life that was presented in this book.  The author actually spent time living in a mental hospital prior to writing this book, and that authenticity really presents itself in this book.  I've never really gone through any serious depression, so almost everything described in this book was new and interesting to me.  The characters surrounding Craig also proved to be very interesting and dynamic.  Many of his fellow patients in the mental hospital ended up being very likeable, even though they were all somewhat crazy.

My first two books have both been really good, even though I really couldn't have picked two more different books.  Hopefully all the books on my list will turn out as good as these two.

Book #1 Completed! (The Finishers)

"Like a relay race with thousands of legs,
the baton of world evangelism has been passed from generation to generation,

each one carrying forward the mission of making disciples of Jesus Christ in every nation.

Some generations have taken the baton a great distance,

others only inches,

based on their obedience to Christ's command and reliance upon His Spirit.

Yet there will be one generation who will serve as the anchor leg,

the one who will carry the baton across the finish line."

I've had the privilege of hearing Roger Hershey speak on numerous occasions, and this book puts into written form the message that he has been vocalizing for years.  The Great commission is a command and a calling.  The task that Jesus entrusted to His followers is to spread the Gospel to every people group in the world.  Everyone who claims to be a follower of Jesus needs to dedicate their life to furthering this purpose in one way or another.

I finished this book a week or two ago and have since let my friend borrow it, so unfortunately I can't flip back through it to find memorable quotes or concepts.  However, it's interesting to try to write about a book you've read a few weeks ago.  It's sad how little I remember, but here are some of the main points that I still remember and hope to take away from this book.

Our generation is in a unique position to finish the Great Commission

This book lists several reasons why this is the case, but I'll mention two that especially stuck out to me.  First, the technological advances of the last hundred years have made the task of reaching every nation MUCH easier.  With airplanes we are able to travel around the world in a matter of hours. With cell phones and the internet we are able to communicate with people all over the world nearly instantly.  With credit cards and the global economy we are able to transition into life in other countries fairly seamlessly.  The list could go on, but it's obvious that the giant barrier that was physical distance is no longer nearly as formidable an obstacle.

(Example: Campus Crusade for Christ, considered by many to be the largest evangelical missions organization in the world, now reports that more people make decisions to follow Jesus through websites than through all its other ministries combined.  A website that does a great job illustrating this reality is http://www.greatcommission2020.com/.  This website shows, in real-time, visitors to various evangelical websites and tracks when decisions are made to follow Jesus.  As of the time of this writing, about 350,000 people have visited one of these sites, and over 50,000 of those visitors have indicated decisions to follow Jesus, just in the last 24 hours.)

In addition to this, previous generations have already done a great deal of the hard work necessary to complete the Great Commission.  The Wycliffe Bible Translators have steadily been working to translate the Bible into every known language on the earth.  Back in 1999, they issued a challenge to finish translation of every language by 2025.  The pace of translation in 1999 put the end date at 2150, but since the challenge was issued the response has been dramatic.  Currently they are on pace to finish all the translations by 2038, but if the pace continues to quicken, the 2025 goal might be a reality.  More information about this can be read at http://www.wycliffe.org/explore/whenwillwefinishthetask.aspx.  The Joshua Project (http://www.joshuaproject.net/) aims to categorize and track every people group in the world.  They provide information about each people group and describe what access, if any, they have to the Gospel.  This project has done a great deal to organize and categorize the remaining work to fulfill the Great Commission.  Finally, evangelistic tools like the JESUS film (http://www.jesusfilm.org/) are equipping people to make disciples and plant churches more quickly than ever before.  This one film has been translated into over 1,000 languages, and someone, somewhere around the world, decides to follow Christ after watching this film every 8 seconds. According to many missions experts, over 75% of all the churches planted around the world in the last 20 years have used the JESUS film in their initial planting process.


In order to achieve this goal, our generation will have to sacrifice greatly
Although much progress has been made, there is still a great deal of work to do before we can hope to see the fulfillment of the Great Commission.  The Joshua Project reports that there are still almost 7,000 unreached people groups in the world, and many of these are in extremely hard to reach places.  In order to make disciples of all nations, our generation will have to sacrifice a great deal.  This book discusses various sacrifices that are necessary.  Basically, many will have to physically go to places in the world that likely won't be comfortable or welcoming.  Many others will have to sacrifice financially and give their money to send the missionaries that are willing to go.

In general, our generation will need to have an eternal perspective.  We'll have to give up earthly riches, comfort, and safety to pursue things of eternal significance.  This is the life that we are called to as followers of Jesus, and it's the only way that the Great Commission will be fulfilled in our lifetime.


The Great Commission will eventually be completed
This book also emphasizes the fact that the Great Commission will eventually be fulfilled one way or another.  The crowd that worships Jesus in Revelation will include people from every tongue, tribe, and nation.  We can be sure of this.  The question is, what role do we want to play in this?  The expansion of God's kingdom is through His power, and we can't do anything on our own.  However, history and the Bible indicate that God almost always chooses to use broken people as agents to spread the Gospel. God could easily complete the Great Commission this very instant, without the help of anyone.  Instead, he calls and commands us to be ambassadors for Him, to make disciples of all nations, and to sacrifice our earthly life for the sake of eternal riches.

The past few generations have thought they would be the ones to see the Great Commission finished, but it didn't happen that way.  Our generation will have to take drastic steps if we are to be the Finishers.  Will we do what it takes to witness the conclusion to the story of all humanity?

New Year's Revolutions

That's what my friend Cheng Hsien thought we were saying when he heard us discussing what we'd like to set as goals for 2012.  The word he was looking for was obviously "resolutions", but I think I like "revolutions" better; it has an epic feel to it, and I like that.  It gets me excited, as if accomplishing these goals will be life-changing, even world-changing.  I realize that this is doubtful, but I'm still idealistic (naive?) enough to believe that I can change the world (and myself) for the better, and hopefully these are some steps in that direction.  In the past I've only made a few goals, but this year I decided to go all out.  I want to live intentionally.

I'd like to accomplish the following in 2012:

Fitness:

• Run a 7:00 mile
• Bench press 200 pounds
• Run a full marathon
• http://www.desmoinesmarathon.com/
• Complete the 100 push-up challenge
• http://hundredpushups.com/
• Complete the 200 sit-up challenge
• http://www.twohundredsitups.com/

Spiritual:

• Read through the whole Bible
• http://www.esv.org/assets/pdfs/rp.esv.study.bible.pdf
• Memorize an entire book of the Bible  (Colossians?)
• Go to church every Sunday
• Go to Monday morning prayer every Monday
• Go to CRU every Thursday
• Read the Bible every day
• Go on a missions trip this summer (Hopefully Sudan!)
• (EDIT 2/6/2012) Read through the Qur'an.

Misc:

• Go to Africa  (Or somewhere else international)
• Consider buying a car
• Get a credit card to establish credit
• https://creditcards.chase.com/credit-cards/chase-freedom.aspx
• Apply for at least 3 jobs (Even if I don't plan on accepting them)
• Facebook
• Google
• IJM
• Fog Creek
• Microsoft
• Amazon
• Complete the Art of Manliness "30 Days to a Better Man"
• http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/30/30-days-to-a-better-man-wrap-up/
• Write 10 blog posts
• Read 10 books
• http://miiiichael.blogspot.com/p/books.html
• Consume no pop
• Brush, Floss, and Flouride Rinse my mouth every day
• Keep track of every dollar I spend (report every month)
• http://miiiichael.blogspot.com/p/finances.html
• (EDIT 2/6/2012) Goal is to give away more money than I spend on myself.
• Intentionally go out of my way to say something nice to someone (once a week)
• Go to every required class
• Keep my email inbox clean and reply to all emails in a timely manner (subjective)

I also wanted to include some "hopes" for 2012 along with my goals.  These are things that I really do hope are true by the end of the year, but they aren't exactly goals.

• Get multiple research papers published.
• Get a direction for my life and pursue it.
• Find a girl I want to marry and pursue her.
• Be content in everything!

I've put some serious thought into these "revolutions" for 2012, and hopefully I'll be able to complete many of them.  I'll try to post updates every month, and the completion of a goal might earn a blog post as well. Any suggestions for new or improved goals are welcome! They may change slightly throughout the year, but I think they're fairly stable at this point.